I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
