Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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