i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
