god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
