I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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