hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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