His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
