oh god the rape fog is back!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
