Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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