so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize