So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
