so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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