Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
