I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
