Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
