she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
