Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
