so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
