that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
