Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize