brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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