we're chasing vodka with high fives
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
