Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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