White coat. Heels.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
