Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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