dude i'm inner monologue high
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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