he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So much Jack, so little girl.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
