Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
