and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
