I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
