I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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