Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was confusing and full of hummus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
