Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
