idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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