just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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