Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize