toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
