Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
