Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
