Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't tell me you're on acid again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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