is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
