let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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