Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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