I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
