Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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