You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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