god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
