I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
