I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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