i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
