i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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