i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
