I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
