your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize