Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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