you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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