just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
