week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
