There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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