Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
