Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
