So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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