i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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