worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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