Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize