Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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