I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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