im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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