Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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