its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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