my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
