We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
